So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
