There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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