How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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