He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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