I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize