I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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