In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
