I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
