please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
