Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize