Christians are straight up FREAKS
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize