What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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