Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
love makes seman taste better
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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