ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
