she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
