Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
