If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
