That's intense
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
