I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
