is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Lo siento on account of my penis...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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