if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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