I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
