Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
