So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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