I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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