im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
