if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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