is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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