Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
