so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
