Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
