just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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