i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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