My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
