Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
