Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
