loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
