508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
