mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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