he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
