Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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