So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
