i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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