her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
