i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
someone owes me an orgasm
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize