I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
