I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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