You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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