I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize