I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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