my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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