who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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