Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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