Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize