Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
