Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
