dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
