I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
