I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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