i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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