Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
