I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
