he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
