I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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