Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Panties = found
Randomize
