Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
