u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
