I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
