non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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