even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
