what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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