my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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