I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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