Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
