Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
